Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
