Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
