They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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