It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
