I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
