Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
