When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
vagina is talking i cant
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
