I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
