You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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