for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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