1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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