remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Green mimosas i think yes
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
