Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you inspire me to be a worse person
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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