The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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