dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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