WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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