she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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