After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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