Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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