last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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