He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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