Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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