Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
