he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
