come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize