so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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