so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
