im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
