I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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