I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
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watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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