Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wish there were birth control emojis
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
