If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
