she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
