Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
