I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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