You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
