You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
