Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my shit smells like andre
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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