That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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