Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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