You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
