i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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