Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
