my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
