i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
