you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
