1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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