my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
