She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
