i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
