WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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