something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
