I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
