your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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