You smell like stripper and shame
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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