Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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