I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize