I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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