i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
