So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
