quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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