We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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