His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i love accidental penises.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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