I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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