I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
