Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
