we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
