Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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