my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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