while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
