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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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