No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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