Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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